con·tent (/kənˈtent/): in a state of peaceful happiness
The timing of this set, from start to finish, must have been some kind of sign. This was taken in July during the middle of summer when the sunflowers in Dixon, CA were blooming. Exactly one year ago, I was in a nearby field of sunflowers with a supporter whom is no more. It felt weird to be back. I was reminded that a lot can change in one year. As the memories rushed back, I came to peace with what happened. After feeling hurt and betrayed, I let go of such memories to make room for new ones. This year, I was back in a similar field doing what makes me happy.
While I thought a lot happened in one year, a lot more happened during the month that followed this set. In the last month, I went through a few emotional rollercoasters with myself and others. Of course, mental health affects physical health, so my emotional pain transcended to physical pain. It definitely got worse before it got better.
Some days ago, I mentioned on Instagram that self-love advocates can be sad too. I would like to reiterate that for those who might have missed it. More importantly, I hope to revisit this when I least expect to.
I love self-love. For a tiny word, “love” is actually a really big word with great feelings. I rarely throw such word around except for when it comes to me. Love takes work – a lot of it, actually. I have spent a good 2+ years doing so solely on myself. To fall in love with myself a little more each day, I have become content with the odd quirks and flaws that I call mine.
The work that is required in the act of self-love is to combat against any and all obstacles surrounding negative thoughts. There is a common misconception that those who are vocal about mental health have it so put together. I cannot speak for all, but since my journey with self-love, I have become so incredibly aware of my feelings – both good and bad. Therefore, when I am sad, I am very sad. There is no denying it because I would be so aware of the degree of sadness.
Fortunately, when I am happy, I am very happy. From happy, I become content.
Since the last month, I am happy to say that I am content.
Here’s to another month… or maybe week or even day?!
Thank you, Rigo A., for the lovely set with such perfect timing!